I’m scratching my head as to why it took me so long to write this Bodyblade review
I mean, The Bodyblade’s been around since I began aspiring to become the physical manifestation of a Krispy Kreme donut (which was circa 1991).
I don’t mean to be blunt (ever), but being able to keep a straight-face whilst performing an action akin to self-imposed ‘relief’ is masterful in it’s own right.
So perhaps it’s a little juvenile to admit that I’ve snickered at the video of this contraption more than once. Undoubtedly, it did influence the creators of the Shake Weight some what.
Maybe I should cut it some slack?
At first, I read all of the comments, and there is probably something to be said for ‘doing something is better than doing nothing’ in regards to exercise. Even I could see the logic behind wanting to test one out for rehabilitation purposes.
The MAIN focus of this review is, however, to pin-point why it’s marketing drivel is making little children cry. And by little children, I mean me.
What is the Bodyblade®?
Straight from their website…
“Bodyblade pioneered vibration and inertia training in 1991. With its patented design, it was created to address the deep dynamic stabilizers of the spine and to provide a stable platform for all other rehabilitation, sport performance training, fitness enhancement and personal training regimen, resulting in improved wellness, function and muscle definition.”
Ok, stop there bucko…
Excuse me, but did you just say the words ‘improved wellness’?
Holy testicle-tuesday! How does one gauge when their ‘wellness’ has improved? Any product touting that it increases or improves well-being is in my mind, instantly questionable.
This line also caught my eye…
“Many of the exercises you perform with Bodyblade mimic the movements athletes use in competition, allowing you to train your body to execute moves faster and with greater controlled force.”
What kind of competition would THAT be exactly? Competitive Tree-Shaking? Arrow-less Archery? Extreme Sling-shotting?
More drivel from their sales pages continues…
“Bodyblade improves muscle tone: over the course of just one minute, the ends of the Bodyblade move back and forth 270 times, and that’s 270 times your muscles have to resist the movements. This movement works the body effectively and efficiently, improving muscle tone in a shorter amount of time.”
Your muscles have to resist movements 270 times a minute! Move over CrossFitters — The Bodyblade is kicking your arse in the amount of repetitions it allows you to do.
Also, what side of 1994 did the amount of reptitions in the ‘over-100 repetition’ area have anything to do with improved muscle-tone?
Cost of the Bodyblade
$159.00 USD (+ shipping) for the Pro Kit.
(Expensive for the bow without the arrows I know…)
Why I don’t ‘buy it’
As with all fitness gimmicks, the models on the commercials have had nothing to do with this device. I guess that’s what truly irks me the most – false advertising.
Look, if you’re a brand looking to sell something, I’m completely aware that you need to front it with the best possible scenario, but it just seems unfair to be doing so in a way that’s entirely underhanded. Six-pack-abs and buns of steel weren’t created with this contraption, and yet, pictures of them are plastered all over their marketing (yeah I know – what’s new?).
So you’re saying there are no benefits to using the Bodyblade?
If there’s a pesky traffic sign you need to remove from the ground, no doubt the back-and-forth motion of the Bodyblade will train you in a way that’ll have you removing it in no time. What if you need to up-root a tree in your yard? Bodyblade to the rescue.
Anyways, if you’re looking for ways to fill your garage with useless fitness junk from the 90’s or haven’t been reading the gimmick section of Reveal The Steel for very long, you MAY be inclined to part way with your 159 Benjamins.
The Bodyblade Pros
- The Bodyblade System is lightweight and portable (Yes, and so is ‘air’).
- Uses ‘Rapid Contraction Technology’ (sounds legit!).
The Bodyblade Cons
- Costs more than a bow and arrow (probably).
- May increase the total volume of useless sh*t in your basement.
What do you think?
What do you guys think of this device? Has anyone actually spent coin on the Bodyblade? Comment below.
Join the discussion 37 Comments
Pretty ridiculous to review an item you have never even used. Thanks for wasting my time! Talk about drivel…
You don’t need to try something to know that it blows serious levels of goats.
Heroin for example.
While I have not tried the body blade, I can definitely see it’s use in developing stabilization muscles after injury; however, the criticism I’d like to see is a comparison of this type of dynamic exercise vs say a resistance band and slow muscle contractions. I’d expect one to heal and strengthen faster in non-dynamic muscle movements… but I haven’t been able to find any real science talk on this matter.
One thing I think it IS useful for is similar to a hula hoop – mind/body awareness. In that regard, I believe learning to ‘keep it going’ through a range of movements trains your brain to be aware of muscles and muscle groups it currently isn’t, or doesn’t understand well. It’s probably better for you in this regard than say, playing with a yo-yo.
Your review, while somewhat humorous, is mostly a waste of space on the internet and I’m sad google brought me here.
Unfortunately humour doesn’t translate well to all walks of life.
I too was bought here by Google.
Like you, Seth, I was searching for an unbiased review of the “Bodyblade”.
I am looking for something that would encourage a friend to start some light exercise after surgical complications on his shoulder and since the “Bodyblade” was originally designed for that purpose, it looks interesting.
I have found some relevant information on this site from people who have commented….thank you.
As a writer, I understand all too well that humour is very diverse. But the one common thread that good humour has is that it makes others laugh…not just yourself. I haven’t read any of your other posts, but I think in this case you have confused humour with hubris.
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
– Woody Allen.
Thanks for the feedback — I’d suggest heading to theonion.com for a clearer understanding of the term ‘Satire’.
I have enjoyed “The Onion” for many years. I actually used to read it when it was available in hard copy. Stealing part of the header…“Tu Stultus Es”.
You replied to Seth about humour, not satire. Satire had not been mentioned.
If you do some research you will hopefully understand the difference between humour and satire…and they are vast.
Perhaps your writing could be improved by the use of a proof-reader or copy-editor? They should have suggested that your response to Seth be about satire, not humour. They would also be able to explain why the way you put the word “satire” in quotation marks – or inverted commas – is grammatically incorrect. If you want to use a capital letter for the word, then you need to put a full stop inside the inverted comma, as well as one after it, because it is the end of a sentence. For the purpose of readability, it would be better not to use a capital at all. I hope that’s easy to understand.
If you want a good example of satire that uses English/Australian style and grammar, then have a look at this archival piece from the “Sydney Morning Herald” that focusses on the response of Fiji’s “Daily Post” newspaper after the censorship imposed by the military Government in 2009. http://www.smh.com.au/world/read-all-about-it-man-gets-on-bus-20090416-a85i.html
I hope we can both agree that it is an excellent example of satire which is inclusive of humour.
Good luck with your website….she satirically wrote ;)
I know I shouldn’t feed the trolls but wow – you are totally boring. I’m glad you wasted your time. I had quite the chuckle.
As a mental health clinician I am aware that I am probably wasting my time, but I try to help people. However when you have a cluster of symptoms that are straight out of the “DSM 5” for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then assisting someone is really difficult because they don’t believe they have a problem.
Does this sound familiar?
“Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality
disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes”
The description is taken from the following article:
I know you will probably be completely blind to any comparison with your personality traits, but I’m sure others that visit this page will be able to see the similarities.
I really hope you see a psychologist or a psychiatrist before these symptoms get worse.
PS…I understand that your dismissive response to my comment is part of the illness. Take care!
Let me get this straight — you stumble onto my website and comment on an article written in a ‘comedic’ tone whilst attempting to demonstrate your ‘copy writing genius’ complete with utter condescension then attempt to belittle the author with your greater sense of worth by claiming (via poorly disguised ad hominem no less) that said author is mentally ill?
I’d suggest YOU need help lady. Please don’t give up your day job. Your trolling is no longer necessary and will be deleted.
I’ll be honest, it’s not one of those things you would use to stay in shape with, but it’s great for those who are just starting out to get them up and moving. It’s also used in Physical Therapy, so it’s got a lot of value after injuries. I got one after a car accident and used it to death — it definitely helped.
I had a good laugh reading the article, I think it was witty. It didn’t tell me anything about the equipment other than how it looks to the reviewer. I know this is not the place for presenting scientific research but would appreciate an opinion based on at least personal experience… OK, your neighbour’s / nephew’s / best friend’s experience. Some substance, please…
I’m sitting here in an outpatient spinal cord injury rehab center, watching my friend use this device at instruction of his therapist. Now I doubt seriously this would transform a cream puff into one of those fitness models they use in ads. But that is not the goal for most of us. We just want to tone up some. From there we can use others methods to add muscle, strength, whatever. Yeah, it’s as campaign is dicey, but any savvy consumer should see through that.
When they stop using said ‘fitness models’ in ads to promote such products, they’ll be removed from the firing line. Until then, it’s free reign at this end ;)
Clint, if your gripe is with the use of “fitness models” rather than with this piece of equipment, then perhaps you should have called your post “A review of the use of fitness models in Bodyblade advertising”? That would have been far more accurate….and perhaps more comical, since as you acknowledge this practise is very widespread.
Feel free to use this idea as the basis for a rant…because like most people I am sick of seeing companies promote unrealistic results!
And just remember….
“No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it”
-Fernando Pessoa. ;)
I’m in the industry and agree with Clint. While I can see this product has some tangible benefits for specific clientele (eg. therapeutic device), it is being marketed as a serious exercise tool, hence, the fitness models. So…as it’s marketed, it’s a joke. As a post-injury recovery tool, this looks have some effectiveness.
Physical therapists use many devises that may look useless, but they are not useless, e.g. the inflatable balls. Anything that gets someone using some flaccid muscles its a good thing.
The blade can be a good start for the serious fitness goal, or be a good thing to do for those less inclined.
My concern is about the possible hazard of being smacked in the face by one of those blades.
Maybe the guy in the fitness photo shoot was able to keep a straight face because he was so focused on not slapping himself again…
Only a fool scoffs at something he hasn’t tried.
So I bought one (from ebay) and tried it.
Works for me.
Good point. Be right back. Off to score some heroin
Is this your actual picture?
You need a blog, dude sir.
That was a very insensitive remark considering the heroin epidemic going on right now (2016) perhaps you should go score a bit more understanding of others who are not so hung up on themselves as you seem to be.
You appear to be super sensitive. Perhaps it’s time to fix your outrage meter. Sensitivity doesn’t bode too well on the world wide web kind sir.
This device is an excellent and challenging excercise
159 Benjamins would be $15,900, since a “Benjamin” is a $100 bill. The Bodyblade, at $159 costs 159 Washingtons.
hahaha this is the best comment on this thread
You’re a moron that loves the sound of their own voice by the sound of it.
Writing ‘circa’ then putting in an actual year makes you look like a fucking spastic.
While there advertising might be absolutely stupid the product is not as is used by physios all over the globe to help people recover from certain types of surgeries, if you actually did some research instead of typing utter rubbish you might have credibility.
Did your BodyBlade break on you again? Perhaps check their refund criteria and get back to me with your cool story post haste.
I agree with you. I had a nearly deadly accident last year and I think the blade will help me to get better. I was very sorty before and I can’t do anything I did before but I think the blade will give me a good start. It is so easy to make fun of things :-(
James, I’m glad you know of the value. I was a very fit woman when I had a serious car accident. After a long road to recovery, for which I was open to varying types of therapy, I am as well as I could possibly be and probably stronger than I was 6 years ago (pre-accident). No doubt the body blade played a part in rejuvenating muscle reaction, strength and elasticity. (Hold, please, while I await a comment accusing me of being a salesperson or a faker…)
The Body Blade is easy to use right out of the box and you will break a sweat and get the heart rate up.
I bought the Blade, CD & wall chart several years ago from QVC at $70 on six Easy Pays, (BTW, “159 Benjamins” you mention would actuallybe: $15,900),
I found the body blades very useful in improving overall conditioning and coordination. They’re a real deal workout. Although the blades can be overpriced at the usual retail of $99 for a classic or $159 for a pro version, acceptable deals can be found, still. I bought my initial lot of classics at $10 each from overstock a few years back. Nowadays, the best deals I can find are on ebay and amazon… (~ $55 for classics to $145 for pro). Those minute long drills burn up even the elite athletes …most punk out before they hit the 6th exercise…
After having rotator cuff surgery my physical therapist suggested I purhase a bodyblade to help with my recovery. My insurance even paid for 75% of the cost. I think it worked great. I was able to continue my exercise routine on days when
I didn’t attend therapy. I played an assortment of sports in my lifetime (basketball, softball, volleyball, ect) and workout now to stay healthy; I still use the bodyblade depending upon the type of workout I feel like doing. I also have my son who plays baseball (pitcher) use the body-blade as well to strengthen his upper body and shoulder muscles and itvhas helpped improve his velocity when pitching. I would recommed it to someone as part of their recovery from and injury as well as part of a workout regimine. I have had my bodyblad for ten years now.
I came across this review while looking to buy a Bodyblade. Because my physiotherapist told me to get one. I tore my supraspinatus in a fall and apparently these things are great for maintaining strength (keeping the rotator cuff muscles working) without me having to move my shoulder joint, which you have to do to exercise it normally. I may not have the explanation down pat because I’m not the physiotherapist but that’s how I understand it anyway. My physio works with quite a few elite athletes (rowers and paddlers mostly – I was one of these many years ago) and recommends this type of exercise often – but he is seeing athletes who have injuries or specific deficiencies. I did feel like a wally doing the exercises, and had a good laugh watching myself “perform” in the mirror. I suspect I’ll only use the Bodyblade until I get around to having shoulder surgery (when your shoulder can do most things at only the cost of pain but surgery is going to mean 6 weeks off work and driving, you have to get the timing right) and then for rehab, but as my physio pointed out – much cheaper than joining a gym and easy to do in the living room (assuming I don’t let go). I did enjoy reading the review and think it raises valid points but was motivated to have my say because this bit of equipment does have a valid role in fitness, even if it’s not the one being spruiked.
great response Amanda :)
My wife and I are in our 60s-70s with various long-term minor injuries. I wanted something to help with muscle tone and which we could use anytime (even sitting in a chair or lying in bed). Also, God-willing, we might last another 10-20 years and want to keep exercising on a daily basis without the need for a home gym or driving to a gym/pool. BodyBlade has filled the bill. I even use it as a warm-up before ‘heavy’ work in the garden and it seems to have reduced knee and back problems (even in very cold weather). So, yes, if you are young and uninjured there are better ways to get fitter, but Bodyblade has definitely helped us and it seems to give us an energy boost.