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The Bodyblade Review (Fitness Gimmick #7)

  |   Gimmicks   |   19 Comments

I’m scratching my head as to why it took me so long to write this Bodyblade review

I mean, The Bodyblade’s been around since I began aspiring to become the physical manifestation of a Krispy Kreme donut (which was circa 1991).

I don’t mean to be blunt (ever), but being able to keep a straight-face whilst performing an action akin to self-imposed ‘relief’ is masterful in it’s own right.

So perhaps it’s a little juvenile to admit that I’ve snickered at the video of this contraption more than once. Undoubtedly, it did influence the creators of the Shake Weight some what.

Maybe I should cut it some slack?

At first, I read all of the comments, and there is probably something to be said for ‘doing something is better than doing nothing’ in regards to exercise. Even I could see the logic behind wanting to test one out for rehabilitation purposes.

The MAIN focus of this review is, however, to pin-point why it’s marketing drivel is making little children cry. And by little children, I mean me.

What is the Bodyblade®?

Straight from their website

“Bodyblade pioneered vibration and inertia training in 1991. With its patented design, it was created to address the deep dynamic stabilizers of the spine and to provide a stable platform for all other rehabilitation, sport performance training, fitness enhancement and personal training regimen, resulting in improved wellness, function and muscle definition.”

Ok, stop there bucko…

Excuse me, but did you just say the words ‘improved wellness’?

Holy testicle-tuesday! How does one gauge when their ‘wellness’ has improved? Any product touting that it increases or improves well-being is in my mind, instantly questionable.

the bodyblade male

This man managed to keep a straight-face throughout the entire photo shoot…

This line also caught my eye…

“Many of the exercises you perform with Bodyblade mimic the movements athletes use in competition, allowing you to train your body to execute moves faster and with greater controlled force.”

What kind of competition would THAT be exactly? Competitive Tree-Shaking? Arrow-less Archery? Extreme Sling-shotting?

More drivel from their sales pages continues…

“Bodyblade improves muscle tone: over the course of just one minute, the ends of the Bodyblade move back and forth 270 times, and that’s 270 times your muscles have to resist the movements. This movement works the body effectively and efficiently, improving muscle tone in a shorter amount of time.”

Your muscles have to resist movements 270 times a minute! Move over CrossFitters — The Bodyblade is kicking your arse in the amount of repetitions it allows you to do.

Also, what side of 1994 did the amount of reptitions in the ‘over-100 repetition’ area have anything to do with improved muscle-tone?

Cost of the Bodyblade

$159.00 USD (+ shipping) for the Pro Kit.
(Expensive for the bow without the arrows I know…)

Why I don’t ‘buy it’

As with all fitness gimmicks, the models on the commercials have had nothing to do with this device. I guess that’s what truly irks me the most – false advertising.

Look, if you’re a brand looking to sell something, I’m completely aware that you need to front it with the best possible scenario, but it just seems unfair to be doing so in a way that’s entirely underhanded. Six-pack-abs and buns of steel weren’t created with this contraption, and yet, pictures of them are plastered all over their marketing (yeah I know – what’s new?).

So you’re saying there are no benefits to using the Bodyblade?

If there’s a pesky traffic sign you need to remove from the ground, no doubt the back-and-forth motion of the Bodyblade will train you in a way that’ll have you removing it in no time. What if you need to up-root a tree in your yard? Bodyblade to the rescue.

Anyways, if you’re looking for ways to fill your garage with useless fitness junk from the 90’s or haven’t been reading the gimmick section of Reveal The Steel for very long, you MAY be inclined to part way with your 159 Benjamins.

The Bodyblade Pros

  • The Bodyblade System is lightweight and portable (Yes, and so is ‘air’).
  • Uses ‘Rapid Contraction Technology’ (sounds legit!).

The Bodyblade Cons

  • Costs more than a bow and arrow (probably).
  • May increase the total volume of useless sh*t in your basement.

What do you think?

What do you guys think of this device? Has anyone actually spent coin on the Bodyblade? Comment below.

AUTHOR - Clint Nielsen

Clint is a dad and husband trying to stay in shape. He's also a highly opinionated fitness enthusiast and author of Reveal The Steel. Follow him on: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Google+

  • Joe

    Pretty ridiculous to review an item you have never even used. Thanks for wasting my time! Talk about drivel…

    • http://revealthesteel.com Clint Nielsen

      You don’t need to try something to know that it blows serious levels of goats.

      Heroin for example.

  • Seth Caldwell

    While I have not tried the body blade, I can definitely see it’s use in developing stabilization muscles after injury; however, the criticism I’d like to see is a comparison of this type of dynamic exercise vs say a resistance band and slow muscle contractions. I’d expect one to heal and strengthen faster in non-dynamic muscle movements… but I haven’t been able to find any real science talk on this matter.
    One thing I think it IS useful for is similar to a hula hoop – mind/body awareness. In that regard, I believe learning to ‘keep it going’ through a range of movements trains your brain to be aware of muscles and muscle groups it currently isn’t, or doesn’t understand well. It’s probably better for you in this regard than say, playing with a yo-yo.
    Your review, while somewhat humorous, is mostly a waste of space on the internet and I’m sad google brought me here.

    • http://revealthesteel.com/ Clint Nielsen

      Unfortunately humour doesn’t translate well to all walks of life.

      • Lady P

        @Seth,
        I too was bought here by Google.
        Like you, Seth, I was searching for an unbiased review of the “Bodyblade”.
        I am looking for something that would encourage a friend to start some light exercise after surgical complications on his shoulder and since the “Bodyblade” was originally designed for that purpose, it looks interesting.
        I have found some relevant information on this site from people who have commented….thank you.

        @Clint,
        As a writer, I understand all too well that humour is very diverse. But the one common thread that good humour has is that it makes others laugh…not just yourself. I haven’t read any of your other posts, but I think in this case you have confused humour with hubris.

        In closing…
        “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
        – Woody Allen.

        • http://revealthesteel.com/ Clint Nielsen

          Thanks for the feedback — I’d suggest heading to theonion.com for a clearer understanding of the term ‘Satire’.

          • Lady P

            I have enjoyed “The Onion” for many years. I actually used to read it when it was available in hard copy. Stealing part of the header…“Tu Stultus Es”.

            You replied to Seth about humour, not satire. Satire had not been mentioned.

            If you do some research you will hopefully understand the difference between humour and satire…and they are vast.

            Perhaps your writing could be improved by the use of a proof-reader or copy-editor? They should have suggested that your response to Seth be about satire, not humour. They would also be able to explain why the way you put the word “satire” in quotation marks – or inverted commas – is grammatically incorrect. If you want to use a capital letter for the word, then you need to put a full stop inside the inverted comma, as well as one after it, because it is the end of a sentence. For the purpose of readability, it would be better not to use a capital at all. I hope that’s easy to understand.

            If you want a good example of satire that uses English/Australian style and grammar, then have a look at this archival piece from the “Sydney Morning Herald” that focusses on the response of Fiji’s “Daily Post” newspaper after the censorship imposed by the military Government in 2009. http://www.smh.com.au/world/read-all-about-it-man-gets-on-bus-20090416-a85i.html

            I hope we can both agree that it is an excellent example of satire which is inclusive of humour.

            Good luck with your website….she satirically wrote ;)

          • http://revealthesteel.com/ Clint Nielsen

            I know I shouldn’t feed the trolls but wow – you are totally boring. I’m glad you wasted your time. I had quite the chuckle.

          • Lady P

            As a mental health clinician I am aware that I am probably wasting my time, but I try to help people. However when you have a cluster of symptoms that are straight out of the “DSM 5″ for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then assisting someone is really difficult because they don’t believe they have a problem.
            Does this sound familiar?

            “Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
            In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality
            disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
            Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
            Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
            Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
            Requires excessive admiration
            Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
            Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
            Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
            Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
            Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes”

            The description is taken from the following article:
            http://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/

            I know you will probably be completely blind to any comparison with your personality traits, but I’m sure others that visit this page will be able to see the similarities.
            I really hope you see a psychologist or a psychiatrist before these symptoms get worse.
            PS…I understand that your dismissive response to my comment is part of the illness. Take care!

          • http://revealthesteel.com/ Clint Nielsen

            Let me get this straight — you stumble onto my website and comment on an article written in a ‘comedic’ tone whilst attempting to demonstrate your ‘copy writing genius’ complete with utter condescension then attempt to belittle the author with your greater sense of worth by claiming (via poorly disguised ad hominem no less) that said author is mentally ill?

            I’d suggest YOU need help lady. Please don’t give up your day job. Your trolling is no longer necessary and will be deleted.

  • Miss Fortune

    I’ll be honest, it’s not one of those things you would use to stay in shape with, but it’s great for those who are just starting out to get them up and moving. It’s also used in Physical Therapy, so it’s got a lot of value after injuries. I got one after a car accident and used it to death — it definitely helped.

  • MilanK

    I had a good laugh reading the article, I think it was witty. It didn’t tell me anything about the equipment other than how it looks to the reviewer. I know this is not the place for presenting scientific research but would appreciate an opinion based on at least personal experience… OK, your neighbour’s / nephew’s / best friend’s experience. Some substance, please…

  • Austen

    I’m sitting here in an outpatient spinal cord injury rehab center, watching my friend use this device at instruction of his therapist. Now I doubt seriously this would transform a cream puff into one of those fitness models they use in ads. But that is not the goal for most of us. We just want to tone up some. From there we can use others methods to add muscle, strength, whatever. Yeah, it’s as campaign is dicey, but any savvy consumer should see through that.

    • http://revealthesteel.com/ Clint Nielsen

      When they stop using said ‘fitness models’ in ads to promote such products, they’ll be removed from the firing line. Until then, it’s free reign at this end ;)

      • Lady P

        Clint, if your gripe is with the use of “fitness models” rather than with this piece of equipment, then perhaps you should have called your post “A review of the use of fitness models in Bodyblade advertising”? That would have been far more accurate….and perhaps more comical, since as you acknowledge this practise is very widespread.

        Feel free to use this idea as the basis for a rant…because like most people I am sick of seeing companies promote unrealistic results!

        And just remember….
        “No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it”
        -Fernando Pessoa. ;)

    • evoc

      Physical therapists use many devises that may look useless, but they are not useless, e.g. the inflatable balls. Anything that gets someone using some flaccid muscles its a good thing.
      The blade can be a good start for the serious fitness goal, or be a good thing to do for those less inclined.
      My concern is about the possible hazard of being smacked in the face by one of those blades.
      Maybe the guy in the fitness photo shoot was able to keep a straight face because he was so focused on not slapping himself again…

  • John Starkie

    Only a fool scoffs at something he hasn’t tried.
    So I bought one (from ebay) and tried it.
    Works for me.

    • http://revealthesteel.com/ Clint Nielsen

      Good point. Be right back. Off to score some heroin

      • smig

        Is this your actual picture?