Fitness gimmick

The Bodyblade Review (Fitness Gimmick #7)

  |   Gimmicks   |   9 Comments

I’m scratching my head as to why it took me so long to write this Bodyblade review

I mean, The Bodyblade’s been around since I began aspiring to become the physical manifestation of a Krispy Kreme donut (which was circa 1991).

I don’t mean to be blunt (ever), but being able to keep a straight-face whilst performing an action akin to self-imposed ‘relief’ is masterful in it’s own right.

So perhaps it’s a little juvenile to admit that I’ve snickered at the video of this contraption more than once. Undoubtedly, it did influence the creators of the Shake Weight some what.

Maybe I should cut it some slack?

At first, I read all of the comments, and there is probably something to be said for ‘doing something is better than doing nothing’ in regards to exercise. Even I could see the logic behind wanting to test one out for rehabilitation purposes.

The MAIN focus of this review is, however, to pin-point why it’s marketing drivel is making little children cry. And by little children, I mean me.

What is the Bodyblade®?

Straight from their website

“Bodyblade pioneered vibration and inertia training in 1991. With its patented design, it was created to address the deep dynamic stabilizers of the spine and to provide a stable platform for all other rehabilitation, sport performance training, fitness enhancement and personal training regimen, resulting in improved wellness, function and muscle definition.”

Ok, stop there bucko…

Excuse me, but did you just say the words ‘improved wellness’?

Holy testicle-tuesday! How does one gauge when their ‘wellness’ has improved? Any product touting that it increases or improves well-being is in my mind, instantly questionable.

the bodyblade male

This man managed to keep a straight-face throughout the entire photo shoot…

This line also caught my eye…

“Many of the exercises you perform with Bodyblade mimic the movements athletes use in competition, allowing you to train your body to execute moves faster and with greater controlled force.”

What kind of competition would THAT be exactly? Competitive Tree-Shaking? Arrow-less Archery? Extreme Sling-shotting?

More drivel from their sales pages continues…

“Bodyblade improves muscle tone: over the course of just one minute, the ends of the Bodyblade move back and forth 270 times, and that’s 270 times your muscles have to resist the movements. This movement works the body effectively and efficiently, improving muscle tone in a shorter amount of time.”

Your muscles have to resist movements 270 times a minute! Move over CrossFitters — The Bodyblade is kicking your arse in the amount of repetitions it allows you to do.

Also, what side of 1994 did the amount of reptitions in the ‘over-100 repetition’ area have anything to do with improved muscle-tone?

Cost of the Bodyblade

$159.00 USD (+ shipping) for the Pro Kit.
(Expensive for the bow without the arrows I know…)

Why I don’t ‘buy it’

As with all fitness gimmicks, the models on the commercials have had nothing to do with this device. I guess that’s what truly irks me the most – false advertising.

Look, if you’re a brand looking to sell something, I’m completely aware that you need to front it with the best possible scenario, but it just seems unfair to be doing so in a way that’s entirely underhanded. Six-pack-abs and buns of steel weren’t created with this contraption, and yet, pictures of them are plastered all over their marketing (yeah I know – what’s new?).

So you’re saying there are no benefits to using the Bodyblade?

If there’s a pesky traffic sign you need to remove from the ground, no doubt the back-and-forth motion of the Bodyblade will train you in a way that’ll have you removing it in no time. What if you need to up-root a tree in your yard? Bodyblade to the rescue.

Anyways, if you’re looking for ways to fill your garage with useless fitness junk from the 90’s or haven’t been reading the gimmick section of Crude Fitness for very long, you MAY be inclined to part way with your 159 Benjamins.

The Bodyblade Pros

  • The Bodyblade System is lightweight and portable (Yes, and so is ‘air’).
  • Uses ‘Rapid Contraction Technology’ (sounds legit!).

The Bodyblade Cons

  • Costs more than a bow and arrow (probably).
  • May increase the total volume of useless sh*t in your basement.

What do you think?

What do you guys think of this device? Has anyone actually spent coin on the Bodyblade? Comment below.

AUTHOR - Clint Nielsen

Clint is a dad and husband trying to stay in shape. He's also a highly opinionated fitness enthusiast and author of Reveal The Steel. Follow him on: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Google+

  • Joe

    Pretty ridiculous to review an item you have never even used. Thanks for wasting my time! Talk about drivel…

    • Clint Nielsen

      You don’t need to try something to know that it blows serious levels of goats.

      Heroin for example.

  • Seth Caldwell

    While I have not tried the body blade, I can definitely see it’s use in developing stabilization muscles after injury; however, the criticism I’d like to see is a comparison of this type of dynamic exercise vs say a resistance band and slow muscle contractions. I’d expect one to heal and strengthen faster in non-dynamic muscle movements… but I haven’t been able to find any real science talk on this matter.
    One thing I think it IS useful for is similar to a hula hoop – mind/body awareness. In that regard, I believe learning to ‘keep it going’ through a range of movements trains your brain to be aware of muscles and muscle groups it currently isn’t, or doesn’t understand well. It’s probably better for you in this regard than say, playing with a yo-yo.
    Your review, while somewhat humorous, is mostly a waste of space on the internet and I’m sad google brought me here.

    • Clint Nielsen

      Unfortunately humour doesn’t translate well to all walks of life.

  • Miss Fortune

    I’ll be honest, it’s not one of those things you would use to stay in shape with, but it’s great for those who are just starting out to get them up and moving. It’s also used in Physical Therapy, so it’s got a lot of value after injuries. I got one after a car accident and used it to death — it definitely helped.

  • MilanK

    I had a good laugh reading the article, I think it was witty. It didn’t tell me anything about the equipment other than how it looks to the reviewer. I know this is not the place for presenting scientific research but would appreciate an opinion based on at least personal experience… OK, your neighbour’s / nephew’s / best friend’s experience. Some substance, please…

  • Austen

    I’m sitting here in an outpatient spinal cord injury rehab center, watching my friend use this device at instruction of his therapist. Now I doubt seriously this would transform a cream puff into one of those fitness models they use in ads. But that is not the goal for most of us. We just want to tone up some. From there we can use others methods to add muscle, strength, whatever. Yeah, it’s as campaign is dicey, but any savvy consumer should see through that.

    • Clint Nielsen

      When they stop using said ‘fitness models’ in ads to promote such products, they’ll be removed from the firing line. Until then, it’s free reign at this end ;)

    • evoc

      Physical therapists use many devises that may look useless, but they are not useless, e.g. the inflatable balls. Anything that gets someone using some flaccid muscles its a good thing.
      The blade can be a good start for the serious fitness goal, or be a good thing to do for those less inclined.
      My concern is about the possible hazard of being smacked in the face by one of those blades.
      Maybe the guy in the fitness photo shoot was able to keep a straight face because he was so focused on not slapping himself again…