The Bodyblade Review (Fitness Gimmick #7)
I’m scratching my head as to why it took me so long to write this Bodyblade review
I mean, The Bodyblade’s been around since I began aspiring to become the physical manifestation of a Krispy Kreme donut (which was circa 1991).
I don’t mean to be blunt (ever), but being able to keep a straight-face whilst performing an action akin to self-imposed ‘relief’ is masterful in it’s own right.
So perhaps it’s a little juvenile to admit that I’ve snickered at the video of this contraption more than once. Undoubtedly, it did influence the creators of the Shake Weight some what.
Maybe I should cut it some slack?
At first, I read all of the comments, and there is probably something to be said for ‘doing something is better than doing nothing’ in regards to exercise. Even I could see the logic behind wanting to test one out for rehabilitation purposes.
The MAIN focus of this review is, however, to pin-point why it’s marketing drivel is making little children cry. And by little children, I mean me.
What is the Bodyblade®?
Straight from their website…
“Bodyblade pioneered vibration and inertia training in 1991. With its patented design, it was created to address the deep dynamic stabilizers of the spine and to provide a stable platform for all other rehabilitation, sport performance training, fitness enhancement and personal training regimen, resulting in improved wellness, function and muscle definition.”
Ok, stop there bucko…
Excuse me, but did you just say the words ‘improved wellness’?
Holy testicle-tuesday! How does one gauge when their ‘wellness’ has improved? Any product touting that it increases or improves well-being is in my mind, instantly questionable.
This line also caught my eye…
“Many of the exercises you perform with Bodyblade mimic the movements athletes use in competition, allowing you to train your body to execute moves faster and with greater controlled force.”
What kind of competition would THAT be exactly? Competitive Tree-Shaking? Arrow-less Archery? Extreme Sling-shotting?
More drivel from their sales pages continues…
“Bodyblade improves muscle tone: over the course of just one minute, the ends of the Bodyblade move back and forth 270 times, and that’s 270 times your muscles have to resist the movements. This movement works the body effectively and efficiently, improving muscle tone in a shorter amount of time.”
Your muscles have to resist movements 270 times a minute! Move over CrossFitters — The Bodyblade is kicking your arse in the amount of repetitions it allows you to do.
Also, what side of 1994 did the amount of reptitions in the ‘over-100 repetition’ area have anything to do with improved muscle-tone?
Cost of the Bodyblade
$159.00 USD (+ shipping) for the Pro Kit.
(Expensive for the bow without the arrows I know…)
Why I don’t ‘buy it’
As with all fitness gimmicks, the models on the commercials have had nothing to do with this device. I guess that’s what truly irks me the most – false advertising.
Look, if you’re a brand looking to sell something, I’m completely aware that you need to front it with the best possible scenario, but it just seems unfair to be doing so in a way that’s entirely underhanded. Six-pack-abs and buns of steel weren’t created with this contraption, and yet, pictures of them are plastered all over their marketing (yeah I know – what’s new?).
So you’re saying there are no benefits to using the Bodyblade?
If there’s a pesky traffic sign you need to remove from the ground, no doubt the back-and-forth motion of the Bodyblade will train you in a way that’ll have you removing it in no time. What if you need to up-root a tree in your yard? Bodyblade to the rescue.
Anyways, if you’re looking for ways to fill your garage with useless fitness junk from the 90’s or haven’t been reading the gimmick section of Crude Fitness for very long, you MAY be inclined to part way with your 159 Benjamins.
The Bodyblade Pros
- The Bodyblade System is lightweight and portable (Yes, and so is ‘air’).
- Uses ‘Rapid Contraction Technology’ (sounds legit!).
The Bodyblade Cons
- Costs more than a bow and arrow (probably).
- May increase the total volume of useless sh*t in your basement.
What do you think?
What do you guys think of this device? Has anyone actually spent coin on the Bodyblade? Comment below.